Hello there , missed me ? lol . Guess not . I've been away , have not been feeling well , and I still feel sick but I felt like writing something today .
I find myself easy to get along but difficult to understand . Until today , I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me . Its exhausting, going through my life with this state of mind . Sometimes too happy , sometimes too depressed . Complications . Expectations . I expect a lot out of people to the point that is never enough . I blame myself , I know my mind is fucked . I have tried explaining to my closed ones , but not a single one understands . I don't blame anyone for walking away , seriously , with my insane mood swings , its just a matter of time when a person would leave .
Its not that I havent tried to change , I have , but my worries , that pain is just unavoidable . I can't seem to ignore it . You might find me crazy , but I guess thats just it , no one will understand . I wish I could just go to somewhere new and tell a stranger all my concerns , my worries , my troubled thoughts . Something is bothering me , and I can't seem to figure out what . I need a therapist . Or someone who bothers to take the time and figure this puzzle out.Its killing me .
I've been wasting most of my time thinking what have I done that was so bad until you acted that way . The accusations you made are extremely painful to hear , well probably because you chose to believe the worst in me instead of going up to my face and ask me for the truth . I have no reason to lie , what can I possibly gain ? And you lied on me ! just because , u want to comfort me . and yet , u hurted me . I HATE TO MAKE A STUPID JOKES WITH YOU ! it twice we get fought about this ! And it for twice you make me felt so down and you FAILED to make me smile . I LOST my HAPPY mood . i just get myself to SMILE around people but fact im CRY-ing inside .
Why N ? Being a boy is so much easier , you have choices and say if you get hurt , just find a rebound and all your problems will magically disappear . Heh . Ive never felt this desperate to prove that I'm trying , well tried . I don't know . Theres so much I wish I can say but I don't think I can ever let it out , not through words , I need something to get this feeling over and done with . I need to forget . I need to get away .
Why hello there readers , I feel better , thank you so much for those who actually care enough about me and well , screw those who obviously don't . I have been avoiding my laptop and phone for a couple of days since im argue-ing with N just about the stupid thing ! HATE it . felt free and SINGLE for a days .
OKTHXBAI !
No comments:
Post a Comment