i'll KILL her (!)

i swear if you do that again ,

i'll KILL her !

you again ! back off setan !

hey you ! leave me just like that n now stalk me like i dont know ya ! i yam who i yam . stop stalking lah babi ! u're away from my life . yes ! i erase and throw ya from my heart and yet even i miss you , but i still hate you ! yes i HATE you pig ! damn ! im fucking fuck a boy like you ! u hurted so many times dude . u do ! what is wrong with ya dude ?  Stalking me like I'm still part of your life . dont ya feel guilty afta wut had u done 2ward me ? im asking ya na ! DONT YA ? the feedjit told me everythng man ! am happy with ma life man ! lemme show ya somethng . i might throw ya as far as i can . i HATE ya ! again , i HATE ya ! :(

okthxbai :(

Say Hello To Goodbye :'(

nasrul ,

i dont want this :(

i know ppl will say im too waddle .

yes i do

just because i LOVE you baby .

I DO .

and THANKS for yesterday .

i LOVE it and I LOVE YOUUU ! ...

prove to me that i'm wrong NA (!)

i know we've been fighting for almost every day . I can even count the days that we've been through without fighting . But all i know , the longer I am with you , the more I don't wanna lose you . I am sorry that you have to bare with my annoying/bitchy ness . I hope your feelings towards me won't ever fade . You're not a jerk okay ? Stop saying that you are . If you're a jerk I won't even be with you . You have always been here in my heart . I forgive you for not always being here for me especially when I needed you so badly . I tried to stay mad at you whenever I see you but I just can't after looking at your comel/hot face and your smell that always attracts me . And yeah , I gotta admit you don't have to budget comel kan cause you already have the comel-ness in you kan ? I dont know what's going on between us . It really is up to you if you chose to leave me but all I know I dont want you to . I like it when you're by my side . I feel happy. Seems like I've always been hurting you lately . Or I always have . I didnt mean to say that you dont love me . I know you do . It's just that , somehow things change in the future . I know you meant all those words you said to me before . I didnt mean to hurt you . I wish I can take back those words I said to you but I can't . I can't force you to stay with me but I want you to stay so badly . I love you so much k . That says it all . You. Make. Me. Happy. Ok.
*And perangai tu jangan macam BABI sangat ! Dah janji tu janji . Jangan jadi india . Okay ? Aku boleh je tepati janji aku , Kenapa kau x boleh ?*

okthxbai :( 

who are you (?)

im wondering , i had a stalker from the other country . yes i am . stop wondering because it's really happening Natasha ! but i wont blame anyone , i just proud with myself . blog is an official site , we sign up blog to share what we had in a second and people will read it to know bout what the blogger had in a day . a kind of weirdness shroud me , i doesnt have any friends which is stay in penang . but hey , look at this .

thanks stalker ,

i appreciate it !

yeahhhhh <3

okthxbai :)

i've been climbing a mountain high

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW WTH IS WRONG WITH ME ! THERE IS JUST SOMETHING SO DISTRACTING AND DISTURBING . WORK ? A DEFINITELY YES . BUT THERE IS JUST SOMETHING ELSE . HOW DO I GET RID OF THIS ? IDEK HOW TO DESCRIBE THIS FEELING . SO UNDESCRIBABLE K .

loyalty can made us cry to die !

this video make me touched :(  loyalty to his fiancee that has Brain Damage . they been together for 8 years . im just thinking and asked myself *Did my bf gonna do the same if this will happen to me soon ?* If ? I hope so . But if i ask him bout this , for sure he'll say *Hey , im gonna do that too . i'll take a good care of you . and bla bla blaaa .* But i dont feel the same thing will happen when i'm at Chris's fiancee place . i have god with me . yes , til death also i have god with me . God never leave me . you TOUGH chris ! so damn tough !

okthxbai :(

when POPULARITY reach !

seeee , my papa start-ing to active his social network ! no no cannot ! for sure my mom will jealous and boom him . HAHA . i love to watch my dad n mom argue-ing . funny moment :) papa always wanna make mama jealous with his ex-gf while mama pretending like nothing happen and fact she's jealous ! haha . i missed both of them :( yeahhh . really . for a few weeks i cant hold their hand and hug them . papa , mamaaaaaa RINDU LAAA :( dengar tak ? kakak rindu *nak nangis* but bila mama ada kat KL , mesti nak gaduh je . kan mama kan ? isokey , this friday mama datang yeahhhhh ! hehehe . and dengan nasrul pon dah one week x jumpa . DAMN IT ! he's been too busy this lately to finish his Final Year Project but he still can text me and update me bout his condition as well ! iLOVEyouuuu denoso ! bila laa dapat jumpa budak gemok nie ! x sabar nak gigit2 nie *oppssss* hahaha .

okthxbai :)

Kyo HabaqMai

bestttt broo *nabil*

hahaha

this boy ! damn !

buat aku gelak sorg2 .

so fucking handso** tutt tutt !

babi ! pecah perut ! hahaha

RECAP (!)

Right now , i'm just too lazy to blog about what had happened last few weeks/past month . Since I 'might' blog daily nowadays , I shall just talk about my day .

Today was stressing . So was yesterday . So many jobs to do , so little time . I didn't really procrastinate but it's still so tight ! I think this is the part when I start saying office sucks .

And you ! Respect myself pleaseeee as ur friend .

Different people with different opinions , bullshit reasons such as 'I don't give a shit anymore about it . I'm on to hell anyway' , yes, go to hell . Pergi mati dalam api neraka . I don't know whether i'm going to hell or not , but either way , I would like to end up in heaven . I feel God's magic and I am scared , no doubt .

I have done wrongs too , but my hope and faith in God is still as strong .

Look at yours , it's halfway across the world .

Touchy subject hmm ? Random thought . Don't criticise .

It's just my opinion . 

ACID MAN (!)

these boy always talked about ACID MAN ! i expect someday he will be splashed by the acid cause seems he so excited and interesting with the acid man ! or maybe , the acidman is his frens . maybe lahh kan ? or it might be him . HAHA

BLANK (!)

I'm just staring at my keyboard  .. I don't know .

I feel so melancholy right now .

I'm so content with my life .

I'm so happy .

But will it be like this every day ?

I just realised how scared I am of the future . I'm not one to plan things out but sometimes , I just tend to think what's going to happen . Everyone does , right ? It's only nature for one to get nostalgic sometimes right ?

Indigoformore ?

Avril Lavigne - Smile

I tried my best to avoid drama this year , yet again , Im caught in the same situation . I just do not get some people , girls to be exact . Why cant everyone just get along and be friends ? Why must there be jealousy involved ? Is it really necessary to talk behind one's back ?


You are the one who said how much you dislike those malay girls because their friendship are based on bitching one another .  Well , what makes you think what youre doing is different ? I just find this problem , very immature . I may have heard some stuff about you , but I dont spread them around nor do I belive in any of them . I thought you were better than that , you proved me wrong then .

hey , im not NATASHA anymore (!)

I don't know what has gotten into me . It is as if I'm full of anger and hatred , just anger and hatred nothing more than that . There isn't one day that I am not pissed at anyone . I am so easily annoyed , so easily irritated . It can be at anyone , whether they're my family members , best friends , boyfriend , anyone . At times , I would end up crying all by myself for being so mad at someone . And I tend to let out my anger to my nasrul since he's the only I talked to most of the time . I might get heart attack due to this . Is this part of a teenage life's phase ?

 Well , maybe it's cause of the people I'm surrounded/living with .

i heart sleep zZzz

i love sleep. there are no two ways about it. all week this week i have been fighting to get up out of bed in the morning because i love sleep! my bed here is fantastic and i like to turn on the air conditioning really high and get all snuggled up under the covers. i love sleep! nyum! krohhhh krohhhh! no im not snoring hewhew.
some people say that sleep is for the week or that there's no sense in living if you sleep half your life away. to them i say NO WAY! i 💓 sleep! and you don't want to mess with me when i haven't had enough of it! goodnight!

Keep Calm & Love YELLOW!

What does it mean if I like YELLOW?

If Your Favorite Color is Yellow

You have a happy disposition and are cheerful and fun to be with. ... With a yellow personality you are impulsive and make quick decisions, but often, out of anxiety, jump in too quickly and rush things rather than taking things at a steady pace. 😍

 

Yellow is my favorite color! I fucking lavvvv it <3

i guess my heart made up from STONE .

You know how sometimes mobile phones can get screwed up , so you plug out their batteries and put it back in , then they instataneously work out normally , the way it did before . I wish I can do that to my life , whenever something goes wrong , I can just plug out a virtual battery from my virtual plug , installed in my brain whenever shit happens and put it back in , where everything will work out just fine . Sad to say , such things do not exist in life . Okay , let's talk what about what im goin to say !

JUST NOW ,

yes just now *past* .

i had him with me . ILOVE HIMMM !

why ?

Because ,

He cleans my scars with dettol and climbs up the roof to see me when Im sad . He doesnt know what to do when Im crying so he feeds me with comforting lines . He makes a mix cd of my favourite songsand sings with me at the top of our lungs . He holds my hand . He calls me cute after I got a terrible haircut and he didnt laugh , not even once . He tells me he loves me , every single day and of course , I feel the same way .

He may not be the perfect guy but he's mine , and he fits my definition of perfect , perfectly (:

He hold me and hug me until i thought im dreaming in a day .

He bite my hand until my hand swollen . And i bite him too to release my anger ! DAMN ! sorrey .

We look up to sky and search for some star .

It's cool man .

I sit into his lap . Awesomeeee *stim kot* haha jokes

And i wish i could stop the time . Pleaseee . why god , u neva been fair to me ?

Record some video *which include the promises and the reason why he Loved me*

And the best moment , he sang direct into my ears .

iLOVEhim *NASRULAFIQ*

Then he gone from my sight . I HATE THIS !

But I would like to thank the person who created this thing called Happiness . So here I am , lying on my bed , with a stack of dvds on my side , typing on this laptop while texting with my HIM . I shouldnt have spend so much time with him before , now that he's all the way in Bangi , it feels like we're miles apart . I can get sappy and emotional when it comes to Nasrul , well whatevs , he is my boyfriend hehe .

oktnxbai :)

what IF ?

If I die tomorrow , I want everyone to know that I have wasted most of my lifetimedoing idiotic things that I will look back and not regret a single second . If I die tomorrow , I'm glad I have had this life , this adventurous fucked up fun life . If I die tomorrow , I want each every person that I may have hurt or said things out of anger or in a joking manner that I am truly sorry . If I die tomorrow , I want my mum to keep all my clothes and not give them out to anyone , not even my friends . ;p

If I die tomorrow , knowing that I've had the best 18 years a girl could ever possibly wish for makes everything okay . I'm having sight vision and its getting worse . I'm probably just being dramatic , but who knows .

He treat me like a princess not a whore .

Hi , its Sunday which means its the last day of my one week break and I'll be going to work again .

(arghhh) I had an awesome week . I don't even think awesome is the right word for it . Make that amazing . I had an amazing week , seriously . I spent it with my loved ones and it couldnt have been better . Yesterday was fantastic , it was awesome , it was.. magical  :) I have not had that much fun in ages . Headed to pavi with nasrul since we were clueless on how to spend our saturday , HAHA . jealous ?  

I feel happy , and shocking as it seems , I havent been this happy in probably years . I havent been happy for more than a day in a while , so this feeling is new to me . Its so refreshing , the sun is brighter , the wind is colder , everyone is nicer . HAHA everyone that I have hated and all the anger I have in me sort of went away . I hope it stays this way .

 

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you ?

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up , 
and you're okay ?

I'm falling to pieces . I GUESS ?

 

Is there something I could say to make you turn around ,

Cause nights like this I wish I said "Dont Go"

 

He get me frapuccino , he did pay for my movies , or for my food and get me so high  .

I prayed to god last night , yes I know this is stupid , coming from me but I did . I told god to show me the right path , to which that will make me happy . And this happened . I'll take it in good faith , as a sign . I swear nothing ever felt like this . But hey , I'm smiling now and other people are probably going through worse .

 

We've had our past , i know 

just leave that behind .
Cause none of it lasts ,
All that we have is tonight .
Cause you're not the only one ,
Who's ever felt this way .
Don't let the world cave in ,
Just tell me that you'll stay .

And I hope we stronger than yesterday .

Ily Nasrul Afiq .

thanks kerana LECTURE saya TERUK2 semalam.
OKTHXBAI. 

I Wish You The Best, With A Fuck You

Hello there , missed me ? lol . Guess not . I've been away , have not been feeling well , and I still feel sick but I felt like writing something today .

I find myself easy to get along but difficult to understand . Until today , I have no idea what the hell is wrong with me . Its exhausting, going through my life with this state of mind . Sometimes too happy , sometimes too depressed . Complications . Expectations . I expect a lot out of people to the point that is never enough . I blame myself , I know my mind is fucked . I have tried explaining to my closed ones , but not a single one understands . I don't blame anyone for walking away , seriously , with my insane mood swings , its just a matter of time when a person would leave . 

Its not that I havent tried to change , I have , but my worries , that pain is just unavoidable . I can't seem to ignore it . You might find me crazy , but I guess thats just it , no one will understand . I wish I could just go to somewhere new and tell a stranger all my concerns , my worries , my troubled thoughts . Something is bothering me , and I can't seem to figure out what . I need a therapist . Or someone who bothers to take the time and figure this puzzle out.Its killing me .

I've been wasting most of my time thinking what have I done that was so bad until you acted that way . The accusations you made are extremely painful to hear , well probably because you chose to believe the worst in me instead of going up to my face and ask me for the truth . I have no reason to lie , what can I possibly gain ? And you lied on me ! just because , u want to comfort me . and yet , u hurted me . I HATE TO MAKE A STUPID JOKES WITH YOU ! it twice we get fought about this ! And it for twice you make me felt so down and you FAILED to make me smile . I LOST my HAPPY mood . i just get myself to SMILE around people but fact im CRY-ing inside .

Why N ? Being a boy is so much easier , you have choices and say if you get hurt , just find a rebound and all your problems will magically disappear . Heh . Ive never felt this desperate to prove that I'm trying , well tried . I don't know . Theres so much I wish I can say but I don't think I can ever let it out , not through words , I need something to get this feeling over and done with . I need to forget . I need to get away .

Why hello there readers , I feel better , thank you so much for those who actually care enough about me and well , screw those who obviously don't . I have been avoiding my laptop and phone for a couple of days since im argue-ing with N just about the stupid thing ! HATE it . felt free and SINGLE for a days .

OKTHXBAI ! 

Enrique Iglesias - Dirty Dancer Ft. Usher, Lil Wayne & Nayer

This is for the dirty girls
All around the world

Here we go

Dirty dirty dancer !

who wants to be ALONE ?

There have been things happening to me for the past few days ..mm weeks , months , perhaps ? But I dont see why I should waste a lovely day writing an entry about whats been bothering me these days , saying stupid stuff about people I dislike , lashing it out on my public blog when I should be saying it to their faces instead . I dont know if anyone noticed this but theres a tracker at the right side of my blog , just right below the bloggers column . Its really amazing to see friends jump to their own conclusions , I mean after being friends with you for ages , they still judge you based on what they see instead of knowing the real problem . 


You should have known me by now that I am not the type to turn my back on a friend , but right now , things are different . I have so many things going on in my life , its a wonder why I haven't turned into a psychopath yet . My Ex-bf , yes my ex , Im not going to say a past ex but it is past and past and past EX-BF in the list for you guys to play a game of "Guess whos in the spotlight of Natasha's dramatic life right now ?" 

My blog , so deal with it . My life , my Feeling and written by me . So , why must you SIBUK with my day ? We're not related and wont relate anymore ! Listen , i dont hate people but i just feel BETTER when you aren't around and MYOB !
SEE , Im not the only one lifeless here . I have my NASRUL with me . 

It kills me that youre not aware of the person youre becoming , instead you choose to think that the people you onced love are turning into a bunch of monsters when in reality , its you whos turning into a monster .


To (M) and (O) , get your own life . You may concern about me but i dont NEED both of you !
Both of you should sent this air balloon to me and just said *HEY , FUCK YOU AND YOUR BF . I WILL NOT MIND YOUR BUSINESS AGAIN . okthxbai* 
yeahhhh !

And to my baby Nasrul , thanks for the MOON before you fall asleep yesterday .
i got it and i guess manja will steal mine's one . kan ? 
okthxbai .

xoxo

Dear Mr. Simpsons ......

i dont know if you're reading my blog like you said you always do , but yeah , here goes nothing .. I can never describe what we have because its better than words . With you Nasrul , I feel like listening to my dad's old love cds and write sappy love notes on my wall . If I could make a scrapbook about what we went through together and the journey we have ahead , I would , but then Ill look like a complete obsessive freak ..And I dont think I wanna do that .

So I hate it when I dont know to calm you down , whenever you have bad thoughts about me , whenever you start making stupid assumptions , whenever you get jealous over silly thing s, whenever you get pissed . Sometimes , I feel like slapping the crap out of you whenever we're in a fight , both of us are just as stubborn , and argumentative and egotistical , which doesnt make anything much easier .

But its the little things we do , like driving to Carl's Jr. at saturday in the evening just for some FAMOUS STAR burger and STARBUCKS just for CARAMEL FRAPUCCINO and with cream on top , travelling so far away just to eat so that you can feel relieved after i done ate because you know i prefer sleep than eat everyday , creating silly games like bite-ing one's hand or neck whenever we spot a couple holding their hands , you might think its just a bunch of insignifact things we do but with you , it feels different . Its so much more than that .


Comparing you to my past relationships is like comparing a Louis Vuitton bag with Roxy's . Whenever you start talking about my past , and feel intimidated by it , I just dont know what to say , because you should know , that you're better , that you're the best , and I would never let this slip away in a million years . Never have I imagine being here with you , with my cousin's friend . But Im so glad that it happened .

When you said you're afraid of you going to kedah , and whats gonna happen to me here , shouldnt I feel the same ? I am just as afraid as you are . But theres this thing called trust. And Nasrul , like I said before being with you feels great , it feels better than great . I just wish you would know that . 

♥♥♥

nasrul afiq

no mood for today !

Im trying my fucking best not to cry like a bitch right now , so yeah . This hurts like fuck but like what mum says , god has other plans for you . So take it in good faith and fuck how painful it feels right now , Im gonna get better . Even if it takes months , years , fuck it , it will get better than this . It just has to . UPU ONLINE are UN-FAIR ! i do trust on luck ! how come my fren that got a lower result than me can have uitm melaka ? but me ? NO CHANCE ! 


FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. 

Boo ! you're FAKE !

Do you know what irritates me the most ?

Girls these days . I mean okay , I may not be the most innocent girl on earth . Hey Ive had my fair share of stuff I did that I wish didnt do but come on man , smoking ciggarettes , drinking , smoking weed and shit ?
Im not saying I hate girls that do all that crap , I was like that before . Im no hypocrite , I just hate girls that go public about it . Like reblogging a photo on their tumblr saying LETS SMOKE SOME MARIJUANA or write something like "Youve gotta love ganja" on your facebook status .
Or uploading .. uh I dont know , a photo of you dancing with a bunch of guys around you at some club wearing a mini skirt that barely covers your ass and a top that makes your boobs go HELLO , COME RIGHT IN ! I mean its frustrating , really , seeing all that shit on my news feed . Most of the time , I would just hide it , but then again , it is your life . Not mine . But god , have mercy on my eyes man . They tend to wander , you know .
Guess what else I hate ? Wrong . Hypocrites . We live in a hypocrisy world . Sure thats that . I just hate hypocrites , the type thats freaking religious infront of your parents , with the whole "I wear a tudung infront of you ma and pa but Im gonna take it off the second I step out of that gate". I mean , fine , it wasnt your choice to wear it but at least have the decency to confront them about whats on your mind .
Its screwed up , really . I mean youre not allowed to go out that much , so you spend 98% of your time onlining , going through pictures on facebook . Refreshing the link , every freaking minute before throwing a nasty insult like "eeii SLUT" "oh does that make you look cool ?" and crap .
Earth to loser , its not their fault your life is lamer than a ten year old's , its not their fault yourcommunicating skills are only good online , its not their fault you are like socially retarded or something . Just because you werent given that much freedom , doesnt give you the right to just judge . You dont know what happens out there .
Trust me , the second you get your 10 minutes of freedom , youll go all out . One second youre Virgin Mary , the next youre Paris Hilton giving every guy a free blowjob (nasrul may marah me to use this word). This is not the first time Ive seen it .

lurcher !

Dear Diary ,
Today , i met a boy .
He stole my Heart .
And wont give it back .

NASRUL AFIQ

Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo, Afrojack,Nayer - Give me everything (Tonight)

Hey there silly little dreamer

Relationships come with a lot of tribulations . We fight , we yell , we get jealous , we cry , we feel pain , we hurt , we scream , we get frustrated , we get angry , we get upset , we break up and our emotions take us over . So why do we do it ? Why would we want to feel not just sad , but truly hurt , sad to the point where your whole body hurts just because of one person , sad to the point where you feel empty when everything falls apart , sad to the point where your heart aches for the company of that being . I’ll tell you why I do it , its because besides all those moments when your stupidity gets in the way of what your truly feeling and you “fight” , the moments when you are truly loving someone are the most touching , astounding , magnificent moments you will ever experience . When two people are just loving each other its magical .

And to those of you who are to scared of getting hurt and too scared of the baggage that comes with relationships , let me tell you this , having someone you love and having them love you back is a feeling that you can not substitute. Having someone look at you with such a deep emotion is remarkable . Having someone touch with so much care brings a feeling of weightlessness throughout your whole body . Having someone whisper they love you feels like they screamed it . Having someone to hold your hand at all times just feels special . Having someone to be your best friend and be loyal to you and never lie to you feels so safe . So yeah , relationships suck , breaking up hurts , but having that someone that you feel so comfortable with , someone that you let inside your soul , someone that lets you inside theirs , someone to talk to at all hours during the day , someone to laugh with , someone to fall asleep with , having someone that is your other half for whatever amount of time you are together , is true beauty and I wouldn’t trade it for the world . Thank You for the moment . 

okthxbai .

and to Mr. H .

u asked for my last hug .

now here .

take it !

feel it .

u cant have a real one .

i love my current bf .

BACK OFF !

u hurted me ALOT !

babai .

Terrible Things - Mayday Parade

By the time I was your age I'd give anything to fall in love truly

was all I could think, 

that's when I met your mother

the girl of my dreams,

the most beautiful woman that I'd ever seen. 

She said boy can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I can't help but notice you staring at me, 

I know I shouldn't say this, but I really believe,

I can tell by your eyes that you're in love with me."

Now son, I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things.

Now most of the time we'd have too much to drink 

and we'd laugh at the stars and share everything.

Too young to notice and too dumb to care,

love was a story that couldn't compare.

I said girl can I tell you a wonderful thing?

"I made you a present with paper and string,

open with care now, I'm asking you please,

you know that I love you,

will you marry me?"

Now son I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things

you'll learn one day, and I hope and I pray that God shows you differently.

She said boy can I tell you a terrible thing?

"It seems that I'm sick and I've only got weeks.

Please don't be sad now, I really believe, 

you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me."

Slow, so slow, I fell to the ground on my knees. 


So don't fall in love there's just too much to lose

if you're given the choice, I'm begging you choose to walk away, walk away, 

don't let it get you, I can't bare to see the same happen to you.

Now son, I'm only telling you this, because life can do terrible things.

Mood this morning . IM SORRY . ILOVEYOUU ! :(
I'm only telling you this because life can do terrible things.